What should I do if therapy feels boring?
How paying attention to boredom can lead to a breakthrough.
3 min read | Illustration by Marcelo Clapp
Some people may have had the experience of starting off therapy with energy—they are finally seeking help and seeing a therapist!—only to have that enthusiasm dwindle to dread within a few months. Having talked about all of the topics they went to therapy to address, they begin to feel like sessions don’t provide the answers they are searching for. German philosopher Martin Heidegger once quipped that boredom “reveals being as a whole”. As for how to turn the boredom we feel in therapy into something revelatory, Heidegger had less to say. Often, the boredom patients encounter at this stage morphs to frustration. They share less and less, begin to skip sessions or stop going altogether. After all, New York City is teeming with intriguing people and fascinating things to do; why waste time feeling bored?
Why does boredom arise in therapy and what should we do about it? For some, boredom seems to signify that there is nothing left to say, at least nothing of consequence. However, addressing boredom, rather than avoiding talking about it, can be a catalyst to accessing the thoughts and feelings that boredom often serves to mask.
As Stefan Allen-Hickey, a therapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy, notes: “many people choose safe topics to talk about in session, or talk in a topical way about complex topics, not really getting to the heart of the matter. A client being able to admit they are bored in session often heralds a breakthrough, a step in the direction of talking about what truly troubles them”.
Many people experience boredom when feeling dissociated or cut off from their emotions. Somatic therapy seeks to pay attention to the knowledge and experience contained within our bodies. Moving from focusing on the mind to the body can be an effective remedy for contending with the impasse of boredom in therapy.
“A client being able to admit they are bored in session often heralds a breakthrough, a step in the direction of talking about what truly troubles them.”
According to Stefan, many of his clients are “ambitious people who live or work in Lower Manhattan and tend to be very cerebral, often turning to their intellect for answers. Many complicated feelings, however, register on a body-level and stay there, as it’s easier to repress a difficult emotion than address it”.
Therapeutic modalities like AEDP, Internal Family Systems or Somatic Experiencing, can be effective ways to tap into feelings you have been avoiding, or have been unaware existed in the first place.
Many people experience boredom when feeling dissociated or cut off from their emotions. Somatic therapy seeks to pay attention to the knowledge and experience contained within our bodies. Moving from focusing on the mind to the body can be an effective remedy for contending with the impasse of boredom in therapy.
By admitting when we are bored, we can begin to move into richer emotional territory. This step is scary for some, as it requires overcoming the impulse to avoid, but it can lead to an exploration of the ideas and emotions that our agitation and boredom were covering up. And this delicate information that constitutes so much of your personality and unique outlook on life is anything but boring!
If you are wanting to meet with a skilled therapist to explore the things you might be inhibiting yourself from fully exploring, consider contacting Downtown Somatic Therapy today.