Three Ways to Do Deeper Work in Therapy
Getting past what blocks us and healing our true selves.
3 min read
Everyone comes to therapy with a unique set of issues and concerns. Most of us want relief from some kind of pain or are looking for a greater sense of connectedness in our relationships or effectiveness in our work. Whatever your story, our therapists will help you identify what is getting in the way, move past those blocks and help you access your true emotions, needs and desires. So what are the secrets to deepening that work?
Our therapists have found that three things help people deepen their work in therapy. First, as with most things in life, it helps to know what you’d like to get out of therapy. What do you want to accomplish? What goal or goals do you have? When therapy is completed, what do you want to be different? Without this focus on a goal and a desire to get there, it is difficult to succeed in therapy.
Second, building a trusting relationship with your therapist is critical to doing deeper work. Sometimes, if connection and intimacy are difficult for you, building a trusting relationship with your therapist is a major part of the work. Other times, it is a critical step to allowing yourself to feel safe enough to go deeper in your work.
Finally, your therapist will help you to slow down and listen to your emotions as they express themselves in your body. For many of us, this is a new practice. Listening to our body and our emotions helps us to understand ourselves better and leads to greater change.
Finding a goal sounds simple, and often it is. I want relief from anxiety or depression. I want a greater sense of connectedness with my friends and co-workers. I find myself lashing out at people for no good reason and want to stop. A goal like this helps the therapy stay on track and, by being focussed, will help you go deeper so that you can get the results you want.
“What do you want to accomplish? What goal or goals do you have? When therapy is completed, what do you want to be different?”
Sometimes, though, even naming a goal is difficult. For some, it can be scary or foreign to ask for help. For others, it’s hard to look closely at what we need. Anne Heller, a psychotherapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy says, “ For many clients, identifying a goal highlights some of the obstacles that have gotten in the way of achieving intimacy or leading a happy, healthy life. Noticing those obstacles can be an important first step in shifting away from harmful ways of being.”
And identifying an initial goal helps you and your therapist to dig deeper. Are there unwritten rules dictating what you think you have to do or can’t do? What are you telling yourself and do those messages resonate from your past? Responses that you watched your parents have or roles that were assigned to you by your family? For many of us, the narrative that replays in our minds is no longer useful. Exploration of your goal can unearth important truths and help lead you to deeper understanding and healing.
The second way that you can go deeper in your work is by building a trusting relationship with your therapist. For many of us, this is a challenging process as building trusting relationships is why we came to therapy. For those clients for whom this is the case, the process of connecting with the therapist will be where much of the work occurs.
Old wounds can make it hard to place our trust in someone else. Therapy is a place to explore a feeling of safety or lack of safety with others. When your therapist invites you into a trusting relationship, what comes up for you? Do you put up walls or find other ways to hide? Slowing down and noticing what happens as you build this relationship will help to deepen your work and magnify your growth.
For others, connecting with the therapist is simply an important step toward creating emotional safety and accessing deep feelings, impulses and desires. By creating a deep connection with the therapist, it will be easier to take emotional risks and accelerate change.
“By creating a deep connection with the therapist, it will be easier to take emotional risks and accelerate change.”
Finally, slowing down and listening to what is really going on within us is a simple and powerful way to deepen the work of psychotherapy. For many of us, we feel the demands of everyday life and slowing down is a challenge. Having a set time to do this each week provides a unique opportunity to listen to ourselves.
Emotions show up in our bodies before we are even aware of what we are feeling. And many of us have learned at the earliest ages how to ignore what we are really feeling. We put roadblocks in the way, often without even being aware of what we’re doing. Your therapist will help you to slow down and notice subtle energy shifts, maybe a loosening of anxiety in your chest or a growing sense of anger in your core.
Your therapist will also support you as you work to block the impulse to avoid your emotions. By exploring what you are really feeling and thinking, you may learn to find your voice or work through grief that has never been resolved.
Every therapy journey is different and there is certainly no right answer with respect to how to “do therapy.” You and your therapist will find the path that works for you. But, identifying what you want to achieve, building a trusting relationship with your therapist, and slowing down to listen to your body are often important ways to do deeper work.