How Somatic Therapy Can Help You To Stop Asking, “Am I Queer Enough?”
Deepening your sense of self individually and interpersonally through the mind and body in a world that questions your appearance and behavior.
4 min read
Dating in New York City, regardless of one's sexual or gender identity, can be a journey filled with joy, self-discovery, and emotional challenges. For queer identifying people, the dating landscape often comes with unique experiences and complexities that can feel isolating, exhausting and disembodying. Somatic therapy offers some ways to manage this.
If you find yourself often pausing to ask the question, “Am I queer enough?” while exploring your queer identity - first, you’re not alone! This is a huge question that surfaces in New York City’s LGBTQ+ community. And second, yes - you are allowed to label yourself and identify however you would like, even if it’s different from the way that label looks on every single person around you. Add dating to the mix, and suddenly this can feel like a pressure cooker of emotion and sensation. Somatic therapy is an approach that recognizes the connection between the mind and body. Seraphina Mallon-Breiman, a psychotherapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy, shares that, “emphasizing the importance of bodily sensations, emotions, movement, and mindfulness practices can promote healing and self-awareness in queer bodies and relationships.” In the context of queer dating, somatic therapy can be useful in both individual and couples therapy through:
Body Awareness: Somatic therapy helps individuals develop a deeper understanding of their own bodies, including their desires, boundaries, and physical sensations. This awareness empowers individuals to navigate dating experiences with confidence and authenticity.
Emotion Regulation: Dating can evoke a range of emotions, including excitement, vulnerability, and anxiety. Somatic therapy techniques such as breathwork, grounding exercises, and body-centered awareness can assist in regulating emotions and managing stress, allowing the body and mind to approach dating from a place of emotional balance.
Healing from Trauma: Many queer individuals have experienced various forms of trauma related to their sexual orientation or gender identity and these traumatic experiences are often dismissed. Somatic therapy can support the healing process by addressing the somatic manifestations of trauma and facilitating the release of stored emotions, creating space for healthier and more fulfilling dating experiences.
“If you find yourself often pausing to ask the question, ‘Am I queer enough?’ while exploring your queer identity- first, you’re not alone.”
“Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) is just one of the modalities that are frequently practiced at Downtown Somatic Therapy to deepen emotional connection to the self and to others”, says Seraphina. AEDP is a therapeutic approach created by Diana Fosha that focuses on cultivating secure attachment, processing emotions, and creating transformative emotional experiences. When applied to queer self reflection and dating, AEDP offers several valuable tools:
Creating Safe Spaces: AEDP fosters a safe and empathetic therapeutic environment, which is crucial for queer bodies navigating the dating world. By providing a space where authentic self-expression is encouraged and validated, AEDP helps people develop a sense of safety that can be carried into their dating experiences.
Recognizing and Processing Emotions: Queer dating can bring up complex emotions related to identity, specifically self-worth, and acceptance. AEDP’s emphasis on emotional processing allows individuals to explore and understand these emotions, leading to a greater sense of self-awareness and emotional well-being. This, in turn, enhances their ability to connect with potential partners on a deeper level.
Cultivating Resilience: AEDP’s focus on transforming negative emotions into positive experiences promotes resilience in the face of dating challenges. Queer individuals can develop the skills to navigate rejection, setbacks, or discrimination while maintaining a sense of self-worth and hope for fulfilling and affirming connections.
Unfortunately, even in the NYC bubble where it seems you could dress, act, or move in whatever way you’d like, the question of whether one is “queer enough” is still common for several reasons. Society has traditionally upheld heterosexuality and binary gender norms as the norm. People who don’t fit within these norms often feel the need to question their own identities because they don’t align with what has been considered the standard for so long.
Internalized homophobia and transphobia, as well as social and cultural expectations have led many LGBTQ+ people to grow up in environments where being LGBTQ+ is stigmatized or condemned. Of course, this can lead to the questioning of the legitimacy of one’s identity and to a dysregulated nervous system which can harm your relationship to yourself and to your ability to connect with others.
“Somatic therapy can support the healing process by addressing the somatic manifestations of trauma and facilitating the release of stored emotions, creating space for healthier and more fulfilling experiences.”
By working with a trained somatic professional to create a safe, relational container to explore the fluidity of change, reconnecting with the body, embracing emotions, and creating transformative emotional experiences, queer individuals can approach self work and relationships with others with increased self-awareness, authenticity, and resilience.