Can Somatic Therapy Help With Attachment Issues?
Can the sensations in our bodies provide clues to healing our childhood wounds?
2 min read
Was your parent too depressed to care for you in the way you needed? Or were they dismissive, remote or preoccupied? Maybe you had a parent who was aggressive, who lashed out at you when you needed support? For many of us, parents could not show up in the way we needed them to as young children and we are left with wounds that haunt our relationships, our work, and our overall sense of well-being.
Those earliest relationships and our reactions to them form the basis of who we are. Because we are completely dependent on our primary caregiver for survival, we all learn strategies to try and get that person to pay attention to us in the way that we need. In the world of psychology, these strategies make up what are known as our “attachment style.”
While that attachment style may have saved us when we were young, as adults it can get in the way of living our lives in a connected and meaningful way. If we learned to be hyper vigilant to other peoples’ needs, we may now have little ability to attend to our own needs. If we learned to be super independent to not aggravate a parent, we may now find it hard to be vulnerable.
Whatever attachment style we developed, if we didn’t receive the care we needed, many of us learned to block our true emotions. We learned that it wasn’t ok or wouldn’t be safe to experience our true feelings and we used a range of defenses to protect ourselves from those emotions. “Without access to those emotions, it is harder to find joy and deep connections with others, and often we end up stuck in depression or anxiety,” says psychotherapist Anne Heller.
“Without access to those emotions, it is harder to find joy and deep connections with others.”
As difficult as it might be, getting to what is underneath the surface, to our core emotions, is the key to healing and to unlocking our inner resilience. Our core emotions tell us what we need and what is going right or not going right for us. Allowing ourselves to experience those core emotions provides enormous healing. It also allows us to form deep connections with the people around us.
And experiencing those emotions with a trusted other person who is finely attuned to our needs is a powerful experience. Psychotherapist Pia Wallgren says, “That deep connection with a therapist can be enormously healing and can help us feel less alone in the world.”
“That deep connection with a therapist can be enormously healing and can help us feel less alone in the world.”
Because these attachment styles are so ingrained and the wounds so deep, sometimes talking through a current problem just doesn’t provide relief. At Downtown Somatic Therapy, we believe that somatic therapy is a powerful way to address these attachment wounds and to experience deep healing and a renewed sense of joy in life.
As an example, Claudia notices that she feels her heart racing and her hands shake every time her boyfriend goes out with his friends without her. Over time, by tuning in to these body sensations, Claudia recalls the earlier times in her life where she felt abandoned by her father. Her body's fear response is activated and trying to protect her from the same pain happening again. By experiencing these earlier feelings and experiencing them to completion, that old fear response will lessen and disappear over time.
Tom feels stiff and cold in his body when recalling his girlfriend's tearful pleading for him to hold her. Tracking these sensations brings up anger and annoyance around feeling needed, which in turn helps him confront his own pain at never being able to to rely on anyone in his life.
By tuning in to what our bodies are telling us, we gain greater access to our core emotions. And, as we work through those emotions, we experience deep healing, greater connection to others, and a greater sense of joy in our lives.