Three tips to help you know what you’re feeling in your body
How to go from feeling “nothing” to feeling clear, confident, and connected while doing somatic therapy
4 min read
Many New Yorkers who are new to somatic therapy don’t know how to respond when their therapist asks “what are you feeling in your body?” It’s normal to not know how to answer a question that you’ve never been asked before. Most of us have learned to talk about our feelings in a vague or intellectual way, without really processing or experiencing them fully. As we focus inward and gain awareness of the physical sensations that accompany our emotions, we learn to stay with our feelings longer so we can release what’s stuck and integrate our emotional experiences.
Emotions are an automatic, unconscious set of physical sensations and impulses that help us adapt and respond to our environment. We’re often encouraged in society to suppress or dampen big emotions rather than feel them in a safe and more adaptive way. When we learn that we’re not allowed to feel what we feel, full healing and processing never really occurs. Our bodies still hold the suppressed emotions in ways we ignore or take for granted. We then bring these unconscious and unresolved feelings into other experiences, unknowingly complicating our daily lives.
It can be challenging to talk about emotions in an embodied way, especially for those of us who rely on more intellectual and analytical processing. New York City psychotherapist, Tina Tacorian, explains, “When I ask clients, ‘Where do you feel your anger in your body?’ I often hear, ‘I’m not sure I feel it in my body. I think it’s more in my head.’ Or some people will report feeling ‘nothing’ or that they’re cut off from their anger. Any of these responses are still a good starting point if we can feel curious about the uncertainty or numbness that’s coming up at the moment,” explains Tina.
What’s it like to feel numb, for example? Unsettling? Where do you feel unsettled? Do you remember the first time you felt this way? “Tuning into the physical sensations that accompany our emotions begins the process of moving from numb to connected and whole,” says Tina.
“Our emotions arise so quickly that the physical sensations that accompany them usually go unnoticed.”
This more body-centered approach to therapy can help people who feel overwhelmed by their feelings start to organize and integrate their emotional experiences. For example, people who’ve experienced complex relational trauma might have lower tolerance for dealing with disappointment in a loved one. For these individuals, and many others, noticing what they’re feeling in the body can help them stay grounded in the present moment so they don’t unconsciously re-experience their past trauma. “It’s so important to know how to identify, name, and regulate the anxiety your feelings induce,” adds Tina. “Our emotions arise so quickly that the physical sensations that accompany them usually go unnoticed. This can result in higher anxiety and lead to avoidance, dysregulation, or dissociation.”
Indeed, an individual may discover they have been experiencing an ongoing sense of tension or exhaustion in response to something that happened a long time ago that’s being triggered by something happening in the present.
“Tuning into the physical sensations that accompany our emotions begins the process of moving from numb to connected and whole.”
In addition to becoming reacquainted or more comfortable with body-based emotions, this process has several other practical purposes. First, putting language to your internal experience helps to regulate the nervous system when it’s feeling overwhelmed. Second, it can give us more insight into the meaning you make of an incident that you are describing without much or any emotion. You may even come to realize that what you are reporting as one emotion, such as fear, may be felt in a different way in the body, with tell-tale signs of frustration and anger. Third, as a result of turning inwards, you will find yourself with a richer vocabulary to describe your emotions that can more clearly express your experiences to yourself, your therapist and to the most important people in your life.
So, how can we start to develop an awareness of how the emotions we are feeling are being experienced in the body if we are not used to this practice? Here are a few strategies that our therapists at Downtown Somatic Therapy suggest:
First, slow down. Create a quiet space for yourself by slowing down your breath and either shutting or lowering your eyes, similar to how you would if you were meditating.
Second, turn inwards. With curiosity and openness, drop your attention down into your inner world and observe. Ask yourself, “What sensations or feelings do I notice? Does anything feel different than usual? Am I aware of a bodily sensation that is usually present or unusually absent?” Create some space between you and your thoughts, allowing them to rise and fall while you scan your body, head to toe.
Tina Tacorian, LMSW, says that she’ll closely track what’s happening for her clients in case they start to get anxious. “You’re not expected to have anything figured out or to fix anything during this exercise,” says Tina. “If it’s taking you some time, rest assured that everyone’s inner world can feel mysterious and somewhat vague when we’re most practiced at being expedient and pushing through our inner states to get to the next task or experience.”
“When we learn that we’re not allowed to feel what we feel, full healing and processing never really occurs.”
Third, notice, identify, and name. It might help to find a list of emotions and sensation words to help you get more specific about what you’re noticing. In her New York City based practice, Tina Tacorian, LMSW, will menu some feeling and sensation words when she sees that her clients are struggling, “Do you notice any parts of your body that are “holding” tension or tightness? Do you notice any parts of your body that are gripping, like your stomach or your hands?,” are some examples of menuing sensation words. Rather than tending to these sensations with judgments like “Why do I always do that?! I haven’t progressed at all,” we want to gaze upon them with curiosity. Rather than analyzing or correcting the sensation, we want to be curious about what that sensation is all about.
With the assistance of a trained therapist like the ones at Downtown Somatic Therapy, you can go over these experiences to help you fully process and integrate them into a more cohesive narrative and sense of self. As a result, you will – with time – find yourself more open to the present moment without the lingering tension, exhaustion, and/or racing feelings that negatively color our present possibilities. As your capacity to stay with your emotions expands, you can approach whatever you experience next with openness and a greater understanding, guided by a clearer head and more open heart.